What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
