if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
