You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
