Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
