Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
