I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
