she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
