Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
