Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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