While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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