Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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