Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize