if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
