Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
