dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
