Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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