I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
