Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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