Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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