i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
