she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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