I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
