so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
