you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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