we have pet lesbian snakes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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