So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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