how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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