when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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