I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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