My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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