oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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