I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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