i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
