Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
