Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
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I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Alive.
So much puke
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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