I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
