maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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