just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
