Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
