So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
