is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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