She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
