wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
