You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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