well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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