I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Couch. On fire.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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