I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
