Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
