I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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