is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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