You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is Oprah even human
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So here I am, sexting at work.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
