i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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