So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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