yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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