go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do herpes really smell.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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